On Wednesday night I stopped by to see my reclusive friend and computer whiz “Brainiac” and return a book I had borrowed.  I found Bray laughing heartily at the television in his living room. “Hey, check out this guy on Comedy Central!” he shouted. “Great Obama imitator! This dude has it all down – the haughty, smirky looks, the condescending attitude . . . and the poopycock patter! He’s great!”  Uh, oh, I thought; how am I going to break it to him that he’s not watching Comedy Central – it’s the actual President Obama, delivering the real State of the Union address?

Bray, you see, has a rather paranoid nature when confronted with the reality of politics. See Obama Rex – - Lost In Translation.

Bray: Oh, man! This is so lame!

(Yes, that’s the way he talks. Bray doesn’t get out much.)

POTUS (on teevee): For these Americans and so many others, change has not come fast enough. Some are frustrated; some are angry. They don’t understand why it seems like bad behavior on Wall Street is rewarded, but hard work on Main Street isn’t, or why Washington has been unable or unwilling to solve any of our problems.

Bray: Haw-haw-hawwww! This guy is a riot!

Me: Uh, Bray, I don’t know how to tell you this . . . .

Bray: Shhh! I love this! He sounds just like Obama!

POTUS: They’re tired of the partisanship and the shouting and the pettiness. They know we can’t afford it, not now.

Bray: Heeyaw, heeyah, hyuckhyuckhyuck!

POTUS:  In this new decade, it’s time the American people get a government that matches their decency, that embodies their strength.

Me: Uh . . . um . . . .

Bray (slapping knees with hands): Hoooo-yah! More! More! Encore!

POTUS: Now, as we stabilized the financial system, we also took steps to get our economy growing again, save as many jobs as possible, and help Americans who’d become unemployed.

Bray: Bwaaaaaaaaaa-hahahahahahahahah! Oh, it hurts!

POTUS: Now, because of the steps we took, there are about 2 million Americans working right now who would otherwise be unemployed.

Bray: Snurk! Glug! Heeheehee!

Me: BRAY! Put on your bifocals! Look at the bottom of the screen!

Bray: Uh . . . whut?

Me: This isn’t Comedy Central; it’s CNN.

Bray: There’s a difference?

Me: And this isn’t an Obama imitator . . . .

Bray: Uh, oh.

Me: It’s the actual President, and you’re listening to the real State of the Union address.

Bray (Stares open-mouthed at teevee screen for 10 seconds): Oh, snap. We’re screwed.

POTUS: Now, even as health care reform would reduce our deficit, it’s not enough to dig us out of a massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves. It’s a challenge that makes all others that much harder to solve and one that’s been subject to a lot of political posturing.

Bray (Sliding off chair, onto floor): Really, seriously, totally, screwed.

Me (Slumping onto floor, and nodding): Shafted.

Bray: Reamed!

Me: Hosed!

Bray: Humped!

Me: Porked!

Bray: Assume the po-sition!

Me: New national bird – the spread-eagle!

Bray: We’re oinkin’ for the boinkin’!

Me: Squealin’ for the feelin’!

Bray: Squeeee! Squeee! Squeeeeeeeeee!

POTUS: Like any cash-strapped family, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don’t. And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will. We will continue to go through the budget line by line, page by page, to eliminate programs that we can’t afford and don’t work. We’ve already identified $20 billion in savings for next year.

Bray: WHEEEEE-HAW! Har, har, har! This is still hilarious!

POTUS: This can’t be one of those Washington gimmicks that lets us pretend we solved a problem.

Bray: Oh . . . stop! Too much! Hey, man, dial 9-1-1 and tell them Capitol Hill needs the waaaaaaaaaaaaaammm-bulance!

Me: What I am going to do is crawl into the kitchen and help myself to one of your brewskis. Can I bring you anything?

Bray: There’s a case of Sam Adams seasonals on the bottom shelf of the fridge; push the whole case in here.  And pick out something for yourself – there should be a couple of Dos Equis ambers in the door.

Me (Sound of crawling noises): Will do.

Bray: Oh, and while you’re at it . . . shoot the bolts on the back door while I chain up the front.